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Author's Notes: Brother fic to Only in Dreams, so it will be a yoai fic. Trunks is in control this time.
Warnings: Language, themes, shounen-ai (boy, boy love) warning.
Obligatory Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z or any of its characters.
This silence, its so stifling, I can't breathe when I'm around him, can't talk, can't function, and can't be myself. When I'm around him it's as if my world stops turning and there's just the two of us. Actually, more like I wish we were alone, but no, these girls surround me night and day, none of which proved to have any qualities that endeared themselves to me over him.
He's so perfect, so wonderful. From those rippling muscles to that shaggy head of hair whose bang never fail to fall attractively over those dark, yet sparklingly mischievous eyes. It's odd, ya know. My whole life I've spent my time looking into those beautiful eyes and never once, until now, did I realize how truly spectacular they are. Of course, he has a fantastic body on a whole, but it's not just his body I want. I want his soul, his heart, and his mind. I want to be…his.
Good Lords, what beauty! Such an esteemed splendor put before me could only be the work of the gods. You see what he does to me? Turns me into damned Junior Shakespeare, but Kami is he beautiful, so very stunning. I shake when I'm around him; my thighs quiver and hands shake, and I always stumble on my words. He doesn't notice though, and I don't understand why. For Kami's sakes, why can't he take a hint? Maybe it's the girls…
They just don’t get it, the girls. I don't want them! Are they really so thickheaded that they can't understand why I refuse offers of sex or nights out? More importantly, why doesn't Goten get it? I couldn't possibly hide my feelings that much, and how could Goten not catch the little hints I drop here and there? What's wrong with these people!?
I sigh lightly, allowing myself to calm down and focus on math class. Damned triangles, why can't we say their
shapes and leave it at that?
Furthermore, this class is actually below my level of thinking; Mother
freaked when she learned I was taking a junior class when I was capable of
college level courses, but then she isn't in love with Goten, now is she? I was ecstatic when Goten joined in the class;
it was just as I hoped.
Sometimes I have to wonder if he feels the same, like for now for instance. He's staring again; he's doing it indiscreetly, of course, but he's still looking. Moments like these make me feel as though we are already a couple, just waiting impatiently for that bell to ring so that we can be together.
But we can't be together; father would never allow it, nor would society as a whole. In a way, I wish I were like the other guys, able to screw a girl and say I actually enjoyed it; however, that's not the way it works for me. I'm sick of all these girls, these petty idiots who won't give me a moment peace to actually question or ponder myself. I do as I'm expected; I go out with those girls, I sleep with them, I buy them stuff, and then I dump 'em. It isn't right, I know, and yes, it's giving me a bad reputation, but what the Hell can I do when I really don't care about them? There not even conquests for me anymore. Hell, half the girls I was told was hard to get didn't seem so hard when they went back to my place after an hour's worth of a date. So what if a girl is playing hard to get? Let her play it with someone else; the one I want is sitting on a foot away, and yet still unreachable. Now that's a real game of hard to get.
Unreachable, unattainable, and yet he's sitting only a few feet away. Life's ironic in that way, neh? More like life sucks in that way. I hate this silence, and it's killing me slowly to be near him so often.
We're drifting apart because of it; I don’t spend half as much time as I do around him, simply because I feel like jumping him every time I'm around him. Dende, what a living Hell this life is. Conflicting consciences are constantly at war within the inner layering of my hardened heart. Should I tell him and risk a great friendship, or should I retain this silence?
Hopefully that answer will one day come for me, or maybe Goten will break it for me. He always comes through for me during the worst of times. For now, though, I'll just continue watching and retain that silence while my heart continues it's steady, but slowly dying, beat…
Not quite as good as Goten's, I know, but I was kind of stuck for ideas on this one. I hope ya'll like the way it came out though. If you have any comments or questions, e-mail me at ChaoticSerenity3@aol.com.